sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
