college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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