Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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