People in love make me want to vomit
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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