i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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