I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
