How'd it feel making her break her religion?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
