Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
