Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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