I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
