Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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