Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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