Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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