I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
