I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
