uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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