I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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