sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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