someone threw a dead crab at me
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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