I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
