Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize