Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
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