I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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