HIV tests are more positive than that guy
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
