how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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