Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
