I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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