It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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