I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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