i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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