Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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