First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
