drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
