I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
