i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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