Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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