do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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