I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
