I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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