I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize