You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
