But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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