fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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