i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
