I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
