Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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