Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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