if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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