I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
