Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
