you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
