when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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