Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
