so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize