Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
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