I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
