he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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