In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
