someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
