Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
home. puking in laundry basket.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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