His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
