I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize