How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
