I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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