it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
