I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
