You can't motorboat a personality
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize