Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
did you just send me my own nude
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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