On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You're like the curious george of whores
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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