I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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