Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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