When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
