Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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