I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
