Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
