I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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