I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
