ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
