dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
