I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Randomize
