this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
