happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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