We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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