i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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