she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
