1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
