He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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