i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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