i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
