How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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